I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
