If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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