i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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