my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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