Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
