So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
