I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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