I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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