Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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