did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would fuck him just for his dog
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
