We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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