i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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