Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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