I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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