dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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