I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
