There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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