all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
