I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You're like the curious george of whores
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
