last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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