Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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