is your mom at the bar?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
