Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize