I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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