Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
