I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
