listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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