and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
