he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
