so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
