im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
