why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
