Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
