Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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