I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She even gives head with a lisp.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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