So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
