I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
