pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
