redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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