so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
