the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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