Can i not drive my cunt home
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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