i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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