That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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