your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
