i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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