sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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