Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
