So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
