never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
