oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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