hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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