He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
