I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Couch. On fire.
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