Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
