fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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