It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
