i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
