So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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