Nicole vs. Life
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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