There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
