don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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