I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
