He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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