Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
