woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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