Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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