Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i was born a porn star she said
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
